Archive for the ‘Blond’ Category

The Blond Travelor

Monday, July 13th, 2009

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blond stewardess.

The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she cried, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

A Blond/Bruenette Bet

Monday, July 13th, 2009

A blond and a brunette were at work when they heard on the radio that a man was about to commit suicide by jumping off of a freeway overpass.

The brunette bets the blond fifty dollars that the man will jump, and the blond responds quickly betting the same amount that he won’t jump. About fifteen minutes later, they hear that the man has jumped and killed himself.

The blond pulls out the money to pay the brunette, but the brunette refuses. the blond keeps insisting and finally the brunette admits that she saw the whole thing on TV an hour before.

The blond replies, “That’s OK, I saw the whole thing too, but I never dreamed he’d jump again.”

A Lost Cause

Monday, July 13th, 2009

A blond got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it”

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.

She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to K-Mart”.

Suicide

Monday, July 6th, 2009

A blond suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough,
she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blond is angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as
she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to
her head.

The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it.”

The blonde replies “Shut up, you’re next.”

Pocket Mirror

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

A blond cop stops a blond motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home officer.”

The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?” The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.” The cop says, “Let me see it, then.” So the blond motorist gives the mirror to the blond cop, who looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have even pulled you over. You can go now.”

Light Bulb

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around.

Pizza

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

A blond went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blond if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

Speeding

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

A blond was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blond and says “Excuse ma’am, could I please see your driving license and registration.”

The blond looks at the policeman angrily and says “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

She’s Dead!

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blond replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away.”
Sist
The boss, feeling very sorry suggests to the young girl, “Why don’t you go home for the day…we aren’t terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax.”

Sally very calmly states, “No I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here.”

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. “If you need anything just let me know” says the boss.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.

He rushes over an asks, “What’s the matter now? Are you going to be okay?”

Sally breaks down in tears. “I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!”

Blond Q&A

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blonds in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blonds have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blonds and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blonds always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.